~Fear~

12th Dec..

U know what??it took me 12 hours to bac from kl to penang..

Darn,wat happen to me huh?thats a mistake tat shuang wil never do..

After class at 4,took taxi over to titiwangsa then head to plaza~things start when the conductor asked me to get in to lumut’s bus..

Ever heard of tis place?wel, at least I din..

Anyhow,I got in..read my book..finally done wit the whole book~got tired n fal asleep..

By the time I woke up,its 716pm..start to look around n my instinct told me something went wrong..so I asked around wher exactly is the place known as lumut…The bus starts to head in kampong area…a lot of places that none of them are familiar to me, tats when my heart’s getting worried~after some while, stil not havin anyone reply my msg...bus driver display horror movie on the bus!crap…it was getting darker, ppl around look unfamiliar, places unfamiliar, the movie keep on making sounds of ppl screamin..sigh~!

Tortured 3 hours, n final outcome, I arrived lumut~n that’s the final destination of the bus…T.T

Went for the driver, he yelled at me for GOD knows wat, n ppl around lookin at me~he refuse to help me up, n the next thing he did, was just drive away…. =( leaving me alone…so obviously, im LOST n stuck in an unknown place,wit my lappie, n some cash..though I’ve alwez thought myself wont b in dangerous situation n that ppl r alwez nice, that night, I din feel so anymore…I was worried over the ppl ther, cuz I know they knew im not familiar wit the place n that they’re lookin at me for wat I wil do next…

One, if I were a person havin bad tempered, I would probably yelled bac at the driver n force him to fetch me bac..second, if I were weak at tat tim, I would probably break down n cry..however, apparently it may be my fault, I fal asleep..thats y~~so, did none of that, called mum, split out my condition n told her when I know wat to do wil then get bac to her.. I was lucky that I found a place sellin tickets n the next bus to ipoh was 1030~since it’s a wel known place compared to lumut, I rather got lost ther…so I bought the ticket..

Got into the bus, n eventually, i broke down…..aiks aiks! I cried, not bcuz im sad,etc…im screwed up! For the very first tim Im scared!!! I start to b afraid that mayb someday I wont b able to tk care of myself anymore..lotz of bad things happen lately, I even fal from the stairs!why ar??hmm, for the very first tim, my fear wins over shuang..it felt lk shuang aint tat tough anymore..n that scares me~im afraid that I might not b able to bare n tk care n tk control of the problems I wil be facing…n do trust me~somehow, my path is alwez rougher than others >.<

Long long night………..worst, I sure did make my mum n sis worried..felt so sorry…this is kinda lk the thing I would never do!!stil do,felt GOD is punishing me badly lately…

Stil,good to be home….a new home..at least to know mum is doing well here…tmr wil b better!

another jerk...

*****

got a disk from dr wong on tues~never did expect he would do so..
he did mentioned lil bit about the content b4, guess he just wanted to share them wit me..
no doubt he treated me well, dunno the reason though..
feel so bad tat i din do wel in his paper >.<
when i thought bac, he actually helped me up a lot laz sem..aiks~~

suppose to hang out today..
'body says let's go, but my heart says NO'
why???
no idea...

presentations all CLEARED!!!

yea, im off!no more presentations for this sem anymore~~
can i cheers for that for a lil moment...?
okok..
here it goes...
1.....
2............
3..................

YAAY!YAY!yaY!
phew~
wonder why do we as CB need to present that much, despite loads of reports, assignments, quizzes and tests..

wel,the cheers for now might represents something even bigger follows on...
u know wat i mean~n i know we're all abiding it..hahax!

juz went thru severe depression states for the whole weekends...
totally depressed!
guess i would be the only one who hates weekends huh?
the things that i did the most was sleep...n, how depress i was? i had most of my meals as tidbits n snacks~ sometim even skip main meals by sleeping.....sigh~
so damn down..felt like im in a cage..i wanna get out!!
and, suddenly have a thought today to travel to genting alone...enjoy the weather, have a little place for me to clear my mind and come bac again to face everything here...
im not trying to run away from problems..aint not being able to cope with stress either~
i juz, dont like tis kind of life style, it feels so damn bored!!
u know what shuang like the most??
it's to have a transport carrying me to places i dunno at all..
i've first experienced it during my high school yrs..to travel from places to places by buses, and i've been like that when im in kl too..from here, to sg besi, pandan indah, sunway, one U, the one that i wont forget the most is to TTDI~
wel, it might seems to be nothing for some of u out ther~but i guess ther could b very lil ppl lk me who's willing and who hv the effort to travel by public transport in Msia~since, they're quite sucks here..
hmm,that's probably why ppl tend to say im a very independent girl as while ppl of the same age stil being well protected, im out ther travelling here and there..they tend to worry bout my safety as well~some guys even like to say, they felt like wanna protect me seeing me tis way~zzz~~hahax,ok la,high school yrs, thats what they would say to get ur heart..
anyways, things that they wont know is, i actually enjoyed it..n im fine with that~
after all these yrs only i get to realize im a girl who strives for freedom...freedom inside my heart..aiks!

AND,
after so many days of suffering from not to shop, being extremely broke, i wil get my loan tmr lu!!woohoo~~
then i can start shopping~~!
and, if everythin's based on what i've planned, i can shop, play, vocations, yet stil survive, with my own finances AGAIN...geezz...tel me im brilliant~ >.< hahahax...
but i know, mum and sis wil alwez be ther when i need anything~~they love me much =)
just that, most of the tim mum would act more like a kids than i do...
im definitely going bac hometown tis week!
cant wait!!!~
and and and,
next movie that i wanna watch, LOVE HAPPENS~

never went for genetics class lately..din grab whole of the basics of that crossing over thingy yet..
how to go for tmr's quiz??hmm...


~END~

not my day...

din get to finish up presentation for the journal..
she asked some basic ques n that tk too much time to ans them~
though i did spent quite some effort n lots of time of the journal...=(
maybe i should thought..what if.....could it be more meaningful n more effective??
neh,should not think that way...
anyhow, good to hv a feelin of teamwork this time =) though we might not be fast, but everyone do contribute!!n its alwez nice to work together...

hmm,stil do know how to do tang's test~
tats the only thing that comfort me for the day..

n do hate college's microscope...!
no klcc for the day >.<
n tears start to fall when it hurts...

reached home, bought some snacks, ate the snacks,watched my favorite drama n straight away went to bed,so tat i wont spend tim thinkin tat much~~~
hope it wont swells...

things that u dare not do...

today's first of dec already!!time flies~~but i LOVE this month a lot..!xMaS is COMING!!
and,
i can shop n hv fun for the month n everything will be on sales~!
too bad, im seriously, extremely, terribly bRoKE for the moment...!sigh~
but stil, goin to watch movie tmr~shop next week n bac to pg hv fun wit friends over ther too...!
liek's going to US soon,so going to meet him up~
y everyone's going to US???LOL~
then, goin to fly bac to attend 10am class on mon morning..
might continuously bac for the following weeks~~~how bout tat?muahaha~
im late for class today!30 minutes late...
tats a bit over though, my limit was 15 min previously..n now it's lk half of the class d..grr~
but lec was nice~cuz marks are counted in coursework for today's attendance, not that she din ask for the reason for those who came late, she reminds us must sign for it to get the marks!
n, when i hand in the pop quiz, she asked if i und, n when i say im late n i din know what she taught, she din got mad but immediately show me everthin~she's real nice!!but, y there're so many negative impression bout her from seniors?
wel, at least for what i know she's passionate!
not lk those others, who will got stressed up by juz by markin the reports, who talked lk only few students in front are able to hear her, to be too demanded,etc~
the typical she that i mentioned said she might need to reconsider to pursue her dream as a lecturer in the future after completing her masters...i wish i could tel her, its a yes,she definitely need to reconsider it...at least, i think she's aint ready..not YET!we students are lk tat~unwilling to response, etc..im kinda fed up with the spoon feed attitude too, but what can we really do about that?there're actually tons of ppl who're not willing to change their behavior even though they know its not right..somehow,they don even know how to get things right...we cant change the whole world..but, we can patiently, slowly, guide ppl through..n to me, that's wat lec do..cuz i've seen a lot who did very well in performin tis task..n i salute them!really do...
sorry if i offended anyone~

quite moody nowadays though..
having sleepless night for this few days..kept thinking the same stupid things which are not suppose to pass thru my mind~everything was still so fresh though it actually happened for lk 2 3 yrs ago?
hmm,guess only 2 person will und wat am i talking..first reaction i got from a guy..u're SILLY!
okay,i am..no idea on how to control what i am feeling n thinkin though..
second reaction from a gal..hmm,its ok, it takes time...im like, aiks~~i've took bout one yr already..how long will it takes somemore?i cant wait!!don wan it to bother me that much~~
E.N.D.~

cont with...
things that u dare not do in ur life~
guys,frankly speaking, how many things in ur life that u don dare to gv a damn to try?
to me,ther're aplenty....*ok,i aint coward though*
hmm..for eg. don dare to speak what's in my mind sometim,knowing that my words might be harsh~
afraid to try out alcoholic drinks, smoke, etc..knowing that i might bcum someone else after i tried them..
don dare to try up something real hard, afraid that i might fall in the end..
not letting myself to try up my own dream as well, afraid that someday i might regret for what i had decided..
even in love life too~!
okay,am i a big loser here??
DON WAN me to act that way...

n ern..yea, i said, i thought, perhaps someday, maybe i wil meet u again~
fine, someone heard that n it comes true now...i met him everyday, but only to realize i aint ready to face it yet..!
full with guilt..meanwhile, there will be some period of tim when i self doubt whether my decision was really right?
but, knowing that i cant b able to gv my 100%, cant be able to start to trust... it's aint fair for both party...temporary, that's the best that i can do..
i know, i und, n i can see from those eyes...but i CANT!
sigh~~
wel, what the book tells me today?
there're too many counterfeit forms of love and too many ppl who say,"I love you bcuz i need you", or "i love you bcuz i wan you!".
such possesive forms of love are not real
they seek to get something from the other person instead of giving something.
so, learn to laugh~when u laugh, u can love, bcuz then u're loving ppl bcuz they need u and the joy u can bring to their life~~