Lost in love...

Hi there...im finally back,to a place where i can tel out all my stuff without bothering anyone..Yea,broke up with him dy...
It's almost more than 3 weeks since the break,but do u know everythin about him,the pic,his stuf,his gift,i stil put in the way where they were?even the pictures in my wallet.....He decided to break with me when im tryin to tel him how much i needed him..funny rite?anyhow i didnt expect him to gv up on me.To gud n to bad,i thought he und me in some way,and we both can tolerate well wit each other.Long distance relationship needs much more effort to make it work than others.When one of the party decide not to work hard in it anymore,ther's no more love...hmm...is tat so??i wish i could hv the ans..i wish he could tel me no,i stil love u.....wish a hug from him tellin me everythin is going to be all rite..but tat wouldnt cum true,cuz the more i ask,the more i make him irritate and might cause all the memories turn down into a cheap stuff.Relunctantly,i wish tat i can tel him how much i do miz him.Wishin he could gv me a period to work hard to be her woman also,he don wan ler.....wish tat i would hug him tite n ask y u don wanna work on tis anymore ler, i really wil improve,try hard to tolerate de.........
Anyhow,tats stil not going to happen,not now,not in the future.Of course being a guy could be more rational.He knew wat he wanted,and he knows im going to block his way..but is tat true?i don hv the ans..mayb he juz don hv the feelings for me anymore.To be able to see his face,to talk to him,is alwez the thing i wil be waitin for each 3 months interval,but mayb to him is totally a disaster,wher we wil end up argue b4 i went bac...
We know each other well,and we both know what that we want is so different.Maybe tats the reason y he leave me,for a better one...couldnt image meetin him wit another gal bside.Frankly,i never hate him or angry wit him for this decision.I really wish he could be happy,even it breaks my heart into pieces.But,i will b fine....i guess?we will never know until the moment we get to meet each other ba.bcuz somehow,wit we're juz tryin to lie to ourselves to forget them.
Did u ever had a nightmare which make u feel so scary that u feel lk killin urself?i did....and it was really bad.emotionally,couldnt control myself,its terrible...feel lk i can got crazy at any moment.

one week after the break,i hv my tears dry out.Stop crying dy...is tat means im gettin mature dy,or i din really love him tat much or too love him until myself reject to think bout it anymore??no idea though...
I wish to tell him,he's so so familiar for me.I really treat him as part of my family member b4,even now...where,i don hv to see him much but the connection is alwez ther...mayb choosing to love wil not be a very smart choice cuz end up i made him feel tired wit me...i rather be her godsis,for long...mayb we really isnt meant to be with each other ba..

best wishes for him,and for myself~cheers!