Dry eye....

dry eye is BACK~~~haunt me again.. T.T
perhaps overworked my eyes dy..now, cannot study much, cannot sit in front of my lappie much too ler..sad~
its not due to infection nor conjunctivitis~just...sensitive and dry..not contagious too....since the accident yrs yrs back,leaving sensitive eye and blurry vision..never did raise my concern bout my eye to my family members also.. they would probably say...'don't think so much la, don't play pc games too much or don't overwork it then shall be fine'.. hmm...doc did advise undergo surgery by twisting the membrane or else things.. but it's going to cost some $$ too..didnt get to involve in sports activities for long lu, especially those that have to do with balls~~ cuz im not able to position them.. what i can do?? just take good care of the eyes and don feel sad lu.. =)

staying and rest in the house, nothing much that i can do, nobody in the house with me also, lonely~~~everyone else busy with their own study as well.. sigh..
only my bb n old old de keyboard can accompany me ler..

tried to play canon, the one i learnt during spm..made a lot of mistakes neh, feel lk getting slow in response dy too, hahax!

anyhow, miss the piano in hostel...miss those days play n analyse together with VADs too...

by the way, guitar was left behind, din sayang her for long ler...muahaha~learnt one yr plus dy, skills stil so so..zzz~~

hope my eye can fai fai recover la...need them to continue study for exam...

FINALLY

hmm...finally get to know the fact that HE be with HER is not just rumours...it really does exist...dunno y....having mixed feelings~~curious,excited,happy,sad,hatress,n...relieved~~
anyhow,she is a gal im quite familiar with,stil do, feel happy for them.. for at least i know she will bring happiness for ppl around and no doubt for him...
so, wish all the best for them~ chang chang jiu jiu~~~

previously still keep doubt bout my ownself whether i can let go or not. still feel guilty for not doing good enough.. But, he proofs that life still goes on. we all hv to do so.. just let go~ though, my heart dies there for hopes. anyhow, thanks for setting my heart FreE....

But, never do think all the guys are the same. there will still be nice one, who is meant for me... he found hers, but im not going to make myself have one just for the sick of having one.
They say, when you wan LOVE, just open the door, get the key of ur heart and u'l find them. True for me. that's y, never do wan one for now too. True love need not to be in a rush. Its not that i never tried falling in love or being loved by someone before. And, it's not that i don't have what it takes as well. Had it once is enough lu, for now, wanna focus in what i need to do. For better future, to love my family n my friends~~and enjoy being loved by them as well...need to pamper myself more ler...protect my heart from getting more scars too~

for all my friends out there, im fine..need not to worry =)

for guys out there too, shuang is single but she's practically not available~~keke! if u wanna be my friend, be a true n good one... not for the purpose to tackle a gal or to do some kind of 'investment' on somebody, ok??

that's all for now~~~

Study mode...

when it comes to study, shuang will keep finding excuses and else things to do to avoid stress up myself n others....this time round, no joke..not diploma year anymore..haih~~~sigh~~~~

i like it! im loving it~~

kinda like tis..reminds me of the drama ET~~

BOOM!~~


k,done doing something silly....
time to get back to study~~

Memories

had been wasting my time for the whole day,refuse to do any revision for the test even the day is going to come,very soon...missed my friends a lot..not to say primary skol,secondary, n no doubt VADs...even, the one, the year for whole diploma programme. sigh~time flies...

made a simple movie, hope it reminds you guys of the days we were together~

Having to see everyone change within this two years, from some actions that done immaturely, had some fight together, but, we will still pursue further to learn from each other, and to treasure every moment left. Dunno why, quite afraid another two yrs will past just as fast as it used to be. After that, nobody else is able to guide u like those lecturers do, the world might seem to be a hostile place for those who cant able to fit in the society. Don't be afriad though! our friendship do last~~
shuang here to say sorry for those mistakes that she had done in the past
and,
to say thanks to all my friend~

love you guys
truly~~
muakzz!!

做一个最好的你

如果你不能成为山顶上的高松，
那就当棵山谷里的小树吧！
但，当棵溪边最好的小树。

如果你不能成为一棵大树，
那就当丛小灌木；
如果你不能成为一丛小灌木，
那就当一片小草地。


如果你不能成为一只香樟，
那就当尾小鲈鱼。
但，要当湖里最活泼的小鲈鱼。

我们不能全是船长，
必须有人来当水手。

这里多许事让我们去做，
有大事，有小事，
但最重要的是我们身边的事。

如果你不能成为大道，
那就当一条小路；
如果你不能成为太阳，
就当一颗星星。

决定成败的不是你尺寸的大小，

而在做一个最好的你！

Getting better....

ulcers not yet fully recovered but a lot better compared to last few days dy...at least, im able to eat n drink with less pain right now~hope ppl around me who got sick will get better soon too. Death cases due to H1N1 arising days by days and its getting very serious in our country..hope everyone that i know free from the infection...be aware and be hygienic please!!
went out for movie and sing k laz few days~ GI Joe, a movie which i might wont watch or interested in just by myself, thanks to my frenz~a nice one!! awaiting for the second version of the movie.. =) but, never did watch ghost of the gf past yet..sigh~ guess wont hv time to watch d too..
went for the scholarships ceremony today..yea, im one of the lucky one, which did not really scored well but got full scholars from star fund..simply feel grateful to able to be there for the second time. Anyhow, this as well made my diploma yr worth while, cause did told myself the aim of the programme is to get the scholars to pursue further plus to build a better character of myself. This actually made me realized too, no matter what's ur dream, dont be afraid to grab it. U will get it if u really deserves it. And, even u don't, dont just stop there and gv up. Keep moving forward guys! u will never know what is going to happen in the end. If u dont succeed, keep finding plan B or C or even D..when you do believe, good things will come to you.
by the way, the interview i attended went wel, as expected, i got the job offer... having their letter telling me, hi shuang, u're part of SaSa family right now...hmm, did i just mentioned i wanna fully focus in my studies, the most also commit in pc fair? anyway, they are good ppl, great team member, from they way they speak to me...dont really wanna missed the chance. Out of the 200 applicants, im the chosen one..and out of 40 tat went for the interview, im the chosen one too...sigh..dilemma soon, which i dont wanna think bout it right now...

today finally get to know how bad i score for kinetics dy...the lec actually gave me extra mark...yes, i should feel very happy to know that he cares bout me and he's trying to help me up. but, from another point of view, i really scored that bad that makes him think he need to help up. to get the mark that i dont deserve, din get very delighted as well. feel so sorry too, made him disappointed i guess~
really hv to get started to study dy...if i dont, no need to have a try, cause there wont be enough time anymore~

meeting up with ke xin soon~cant wait~~

extreme pain...

din really study for biochem test on sat n sun....juz started everythin yesterday..definitely, im not able to finish study n b able to memorize them. Studied til midnight yesterday, kinda sleep so decided to go to bed and wake earlier the next day to continue. Sadly, when i woke up, realize ulcers bugging me again~not the usual one, tis tim round is on the gum lining and throat... T.T also leads to lil migraine...cant focus to study, whole nerves around my head juz felt lk getting tighten... hence, no doubt, din do well in exam AGAIN...sigh.. not making any excuse for me to feel better though..

here's little info bout my little 'friend'~~~

Gum ulcer is a form of mouth ulcer. Most mouth ulcers appear on the inside part of the cheeks, though they also are found on gums (gum ulcer), under the tongue, and the inside part of the lips. These are quite small to look at, but extremely painful often making drinking and eating an ordeal. They heal within 7 to 10 days.

There are different types of mouth ulcers. A single mouth ulcer is usually caused by damage to the mouth, like biting the cheek, or damage to the gum with a toothbrush or a sharp tooth or filling. They usually go away once the source of the problem is treated.

A recurrent ulcer is one that comes and goes, sometimes every few weeks. There are three types:

• Minor ulcers are the most common. They can appear inside the cheeks, on the lips, tongue, and gums. Most of these ulcers are round, the size of the top of a pencil and can sometimes come in clusters. You can get four to six at any one time.
• Large ulcers (major type) are more severe, have an irregular border, and can last for five to ten weeks. They may appear near the tonsils and can be very painful, especially when swallowing. You usually only get one at a time.
• It is also possible to have up to 100 very small painful ulcers (herpetiform type), which last for one to two weeks.

There are many things that are believed to cause mouth ulcers - viruses, weak immune system, Crohn's Diseases, acute gastritis, stress, hormonal changes in the body, allergies and so on. Doctors usually recommend that you take an allergy test to find out whether the eruption of mouth ulcers is due to any allergy or any other reason. Vitamin and mineral deficiency also are known to cause this problem and this can be treated by simply making up for the deficiency with the help of health supplements.

Freedom

~sigh~~ very emo tis two days...tues test dy,never really study....
after half yr break, finally thought i get back the freedom and be a happy gal, but apparently im not..having a sincere heart, to treat ppl around me well, to love n treasure them as much as i could, is what im trying to do... making ppl cry is not wat i wanted to, but to stop and create further pain for others, i will have to do so...very very very sorry to u..tats not wat i really wanted to do also.. big thanks to TP n JH, without u guys, i wont know how to face it...
having heard ppl say how i acted and treated others was wrong...yea, im bad.....so
BAD and so WRONG that i really need to change. Dunno how and what i should do next. Kinda frustrate with what's happening.... Should i really change? be a more queit shuang, talk less, protect others but deep down inside tats not the real me?? If u hv read my previous post, there's one time where i decided to be somebody for every of my fren, don wanna b someone that hv no personality and wanna be a better person for them. Worked hard and what i've bcum so far, ppl say "u're heading to the wrong direction"....i dont get it. y others could talk to whoever n whatever that they wan but i cant? n i din intended to do anything wrong also... juz wanna wish everyone around me to be happy. Is that something really wrong with me?
very sad, and afraid~

hope for the best.......

Comfy.....

Finally...out of that whole month of july,i can get to rest on weekends lu~~~feel more lk human being right now, rather than the days which i hv no chance to rest at all..alex said he's at the forest, with lossa trees around,getting lost~i say, im in the sea, where i cant feel the ground, cant see the shore...seriously lost n hv to keep on moving if not im going to drown in any min... start to get back on track to be a student dy. though i know i din score well for the few exams given previously, din seriously did the work and assignments given as well. wong's test yesterday ain't easy. but it was not tough either~all the best to all my frenz yea...we can do it!! just have to keep moving forward. Gastric pain comes bac to me again, every day, every meals. Sometim don really feel lk eating. but if i dont, im goin to suffer more in the next meal....haih~so sorry to my own stomach..haha! din tk good care of u, is my fault...
Anyhow, just feel simply comfortable being able to hanging around in the house at this time~where usually i will hv to be at places, wearing workin T and keep talkin~~woke up at 10 today, finally there's day i can wake later than 8 d,keke! do some spring clean and felt the house look more lk a house right now...~happy~actually, a lot of things happen tis few days, dont really hv enough tim for me to response on it also. Anyhow, shuang is trying hard to mend the mess she hv made previously, done enough mistakes, hurt enough ppl ler...trying not to repeat it again..
hmm... by the way, kinda frustrate with the digi postpaid...140 for a month...can u feel my pain??grr....for tat whole month i've been very busy with a lot of stuf, din hv tim to chit chat much, dunno how can it b tat pricey too... two months bill wil make it be over 300, which in turn means all the pay in pc fair will be used to pay the bill, stupid....wat i can conclude is, sometimes thing that doesnt belongs to u, u just wont get it~no matter how hard u work for it, u might get to touch them but it wont last!its true though...if the thing is really urs, dont need to be rush, it wil eventually comes to u when the tim has come.. =) well, i also aint that negative la...money comes and goes. plus, working for me is more lk a place to me to spend tim and to learn more stuf~ but, definitely i wil need to set some budget and save up to replace back those that wasted for no reason la~~

have to start doing my reports dy...it's going to end soon~middle of sept, im waiting for you!!jia you jia you~~~

星球

满園玫瑰我以為找到我那一朵　

認真愛了卻狠狠刺傷我的雙手　　

責備什麼人也沒有用　

玫瑰都紅　

難免看錯　　　　

望著天空愛是否活在童話裏頭　

小王子說有些事流浪過才會懂　　

原來每顆心都有個洞　

找不到真愛　會一直寂寞　Oh～　　　　　

我但願有一個人在等我　在屬於我的612星球　　

好讓我忍著痛也願意往下走　

不快樂至少要有夢　　　　　

一定會有一個人在等我　無條件擁抱著我的所有　　

相遇前我還要翻越多少山丘　

花別謝太快　請你等等我　　　　　

擦乾眼淚一個人漂流在這宇宙　

小王子說愛一定開在某個角落　　

路上相愛的人那麼多　

我會幸福嗎　在什麼時候　Oh～　

我但願有一個人在等我　在屬於我的612星球　　

好讓我忍著痛也願意往下走　不快樂至少要有夢　　　　　

一定會有一個人在等我　無條件擁抱著我的所有　　

相遇前我還要翻越多少山丘　

花別謝太快　請你等等我　

我但願有一個人在等我　在屬於我的612星球　　

好讓我忍著痛也願意往下走　不快樂至少要有夢　　　　　

一定會有一個人在等我　無條件擁抱著我的所有　　

相遇前我還要翻越多少山丘　

花別謝太快

請你等等我

woohoo! done!

pc fair last day dy...today quite crowded with ppl~ the flow just keep going on. Received a lot of free gifts in this 3 days~traveller adapter, games, notebook, acer lock, etc....n had meals for free for 3 days too. Muahaha~ although not as delicous but at least 有鱼有肉 er... workin in acer just like being part of their big big family..so happy~~~ anyway, today almost everyone hit target..some even way extra from the target. Congrat though, feel happy for them.. little things that i did observed in this fair... kinda feel lk the whole fair is just under one organisation. They might have difff boss, but they are all colabrated. The one for sure is acer, lenovo and those microsoft. today saw one guy from acer working for toshiba. So, guess tats their strategy then...no idea..
talkin bout current issue right now~~since yesterday, taxi going to raise the fare start off with rm3 instead of rm2, 10 cent for 115m instead of 150m and, 10 cent for each 21 seconds instead of 45 seconds previously. bus fare will going to raise their price as well starting from 1 of sept...rapid will not hv tat rm1 for whole day rides dy..it's such a bad bad news for me...fed up~no idea why the prime minister wanna do so..and according to the taxi driver, in order to finish off the procedure to calibrate their meter, they hv to pay extra 60 or 70 some more. grrr....
and that what happened for that ISA thingy, he just did nothing with it..WHAT THE....ar,whatever la....why am i not feeling tired at all??haha...probably everything finally comes to an end and i can do wat i wan lu~~happy happy!!

keke..tat's all for today~have a good night sleep everyone~~

PC fair..second day~

leg're in REAL pain right now..very tired....though just to work as cashier, dunno how did i felt so tired..probably slept too late in the night dy. B4 first day workin slept at 330am while ytd ar 2am...woke up earlier tellin myself to finish up the reports and assignment, but end up i will juz stare at the lappie doing nothing...now u might ask, y did i sleep so late but stil did nothing??ans is...i felt lk i did nothing meaningful for tat whole day..do u know the jobscope of being a cashier is really tat little tat i kinda feel i can complete the one day's job in juz few hrs>?hence, i wanna hv some kind of feeling tat at least i did something apart from wasting my time...
grr...there are some period of the time which i felt lk going out and sell the stuf lk others promoters do. To be able to talk to the customer, to brag and have that kind of sense of achievement. Alex even permit n requested me to go out n sell lappie~But, ever since acer start to set up targets for each days sales, don really felt lk being the salesperson ler. Not bcuz i cant able to reach the target, but simply bcuz i wanna earn but meanwhile cant help myself for not helpin others after i hv reach mine but others don. Anyhow, din really regret la, just hv to be patient. For now at least, i could observe every ppl ther, to hv proper meals in the meeting room and not to talk as much as those promoters do. And of course, to reduce the risk of getting contact with ppl who are infected with H1N1. The pandemic spread of the disease is getting worse each day. But the company actually distribute sanitizing spray for everyone of us, and ther're alco-based gel in the toilet too~just like tangs, they actually tested out body temp b4 we're allowed to go into the working place..tmr last day dy, left bhind all my reports......sounds sad~however, received a very good news today morning. Felt so grateful right now. For each things that i wan, i will get them soon. And, for those that i don wan anymore, they wil eventually fade....

should go to bed soon ler,need to pamper myself more often...hmm,anyway..genting trip was cancelled AGAIN....sadly....sigh~~~~

nite nite.... :)