Nightmares again....

sigh......had my nightmares again..
and i've just finished my exam, yet, starts to have those creepy dreams...how sarcastic it can goes?
this time round, yea, i could remember the content well, though cant recognize the faces.. venue, graveyard... it's the combination of two things that has been very traumatic to myself.. so the feeling n content was not unfamiliar at all.. that's why i could recall it wel n had my tears drop when i woke up..
n i have a feeling the dreams going to continue somehow, some other days.. cause bad dreams are the one that could continue their version each time..to me~
n i und why i dreamt so.. n know too why it suddenly pop up now when im suppose to have a good rest....
had myself sleeping for less than 4 hours.. wish the day could come asap.. cause i don wanna get bac to sleep anymore..


may i be peace.....

tmr shall be better~

my wish..

Exam~~

done 6 papers, and, 6 more to go...
if study is somehow separate like alarm state, resistant n exhaustion, i think im now entering resistance but yet trying hard to prevent of getting into exhaustion....
watched 4 episodes of rainie yang's drama..couldn't really stop cause, it's kinda touching..u know~i may not trust romance in reality but yet, im still a girl like any others~

had myself quite tired to face the exam and somehow will have the feelings to give up some time.. woke up at 745am today~ so unusual..cause mostly i would wake earlier in the day of exam to revise everything but..just not today.. even when im writing the answers during the test, i just feel like taking a break! aiks~~~~

oh yea,finish watching season eight of The Apprentice~ finanlly yea =)
finished it yesterday night.. the winner, Joan Rivers.. a 76 years old woman!
i would highly recommend u guys to watch it.. cause it's really worthwhile n that u will get to see how a woman which had already in her late adulthood yet so energetic..! simply out of what ppl would expect~

and, as far as u guys know..i become that interested in Dennis Rodman...!
well, if u guys ask me why,i dont think i hv the ans.. cuz he had attitude prob, might hv alcohol abuse, everything..
but he clearly had something inside him..i mean, the real him in him... which, is clearly seen by everyone..
and at the end of the show, he showed up to claim for his own dignity..to proof n tel us that trust in him, we din make mistakes in doing so~
everythin happens with reason.. i blif Dennis actions are all consequences of something else..so i checked his past..n guys~if u're interested, read this... (done some copy n paste from wiki)

Dennis Keith Rodman (born May 13, 1961) is a retired American professional basketball player of the National Basketball Association's (NBA) Detroit Pistons, San Antonio Spurs, Chicago Bulls, Los Angeles Lakers and Dallas Mavericks. Born in Trenton, New Jersey, he was nicknamed "Dennis the Menace" and "The Worm" and was known for his fierce defensive and rebounding abilities. Playing small forward in his early years before becoming a power forward, Rodman earned NBA All-Defensive First Team honors seven times and was voted NBA Defensive Player of the Year twice. He also led the NBA in rebounds per game for a record seven consecutive years and won five NBA championships (1989, 1990, 1996, 1997, 1998).

Experiencing an unhappy childhood, Rodman was shy and introverted in his early years. After aborting a suicide attempt in 1993, he reinvented himself as the prototypical "bad boy" and became notorious for numerous controversial antics. He dyed his hair in artificial colors, presented himself with many piercings and tattoos and regularly disrupted games by clashing with opposing players and officials. He famously wore a wedding dress to promote his autobiography. Rodman pursued a high-profile affair with singer Madonna and was briefly married to actress Carmen Electra.

Apart from basketball, Rodman is a part-time professional wrestler. He was a member of the nWo and fought alongside Hulk Hogan at two Bash at the Beach events. He had his own TV show, The Rodman World Tour, and had lead roles in the action films Simon Sez and Double Team alongside Jean-Claude Van Damme. Both films were severely critically panned, with the latter earning Rodman a triple Razzie Award. He appeared in several reality TV series and was the winner of the $222,000 main prize of the 2005 edition of Celebrity Mole. Rodman also won the first ever Celebrity Championship Wrestling tournament.

Rodman is the son of Shirley and Philander Rodman Jr. After Philander left when Dennis was three years old, Shirley took many odd jobs—at times, four at the same time—to support her family. In his 1997 biography Bad As I Wanna Be, he expresses his disgust for his father: "I haven't seen my father in more than 30 years, so what's there to miss... I just look at it like this: Some man brought me into this world. That doesn't mean I have a father."Rodman lived together with his mother and his sisters Debra and Kim, who also played basketball and went on to become All-Americans at Louisiana Tech and Stephen F. Austin respectively.Childhood was not easy for him: he experienced poverty, and he was so attached to his mother that he refused to move when she sent him to a nursery when he was four years old. Shirley Rodman was more interested in his two sisters Debra and Kim, who were both considered more talented than him in basketball (which made him a laughingstock whenever he tagged along with them), and was generally "overwhelmed" by this all-female household.When he had his growth spurt, he became even more withdrawn because he felt odd in his own body.Rodman was so insecure around women that he thought he was homosexual in his teens, was still a virgin when he was 20 years old, and finally had his first sexual experience with a prostitute; he described this as an unpleasant experience.

While at Southeastern Oklahoma State University, Rodman was working at a summer youth basketball camp and befriended Byrne Rich, one of the campers. Rich was shy and withdrawn, stemming from a hunting accident in which he mistakenly shot and killed his best friend. The two became almost inseparable and formed a bond. Rich invited Rodman to his rural Oklahoma home; at first, Rodman was not well-received by the Riches due to being African-American. But, the Riches were so grateful to him for bringing their son out of his shell that they were able to set aside their prejudices.Although Rodman had severe family issues himself, he "adopted" the Riches as his own in 1982 and went from the city life to "driving a tractor and messing with cows."Rodman credits the Riches as his "surrogate family" that helped him through college.

After college and being drafted by the Pistons, Rodman met his girlfriend and later wife Anicka "Annie" Bakes and had a daughter Alexis (born 1989). She married and divorced him in 1993, an experience which left him traumatized.Rodman's refusal to take a HIV test was cited as the main conflict that led to the divorce. In that year, he was found asleep in his car with a loaded rifle in his hand, and it was rumored that he had tried to commit suicide,which he confirmed four years later: but instead of killing himself, he decided to symbolically kill the shy Dennis Rodman he hated and to be reborn as a man full of self-confidence.

Rodman has cited Pearl Jam as his favorite band and befriended them in the mid 1990s. During their No Code Tour, on September 26, 1996, he briefly came onstage to the excitement of the crowd and gave frontman Eddie Vedder a piggyback ride. Rodman later received a Walkman carved with Vedder's initials and containing the concert recording. He has since cited this as one his most thrilling experiences and claimed, "If it wasn't for Pearl Jam, my life would be a hell of a lot less fulfilling." Not long after, Rodman also gave his unworn #69 Lakers jersey to Eddie Vedder,and he cited Pearl Jam song lyrics in his 1996 autobiography, Bad As I Wanna Be.

After demanding and getting a trade to the San Antonio Spurs, he became the volatile character of his later years, began dating Madonna and claimed she actively tried to get a child from him.Shortly after, Rodman famously wore a wedding dress to promote his autobiography Bad As I Wanna Be, claimed that he was bisexual and that he was "marrying himself," thus the dress.In November 1998, he married Carmen Electra in a state of intoxication, and the marriage was invalidated after just 10 days. A year later, he met Michelle Moyer, who became his new girlfriend. Moyer bore him two children, namely a son called D.J. (born 2000) and a daughter named Trinity (born 2001). Moyer and Rodman married in 2003 on his 42nd birthday. It was described as a "big party," in line with Rodman's reputation as a notorious party organizer: after settling down in Newport Beach, California, the police appeared over 70 times at his home because of loud parties.Two years later, he published his second autobiography I Should Be Dead By Now and promoted this by sitting in a coffin.^[17] However, his private life remained rocky. On April 30, 2008, he was arrested following a domestic dispute incident at a Los Angeles hotel.On June 24, 2008, he pleaded no contest to the misdemeanor spousal battery charges and was sentenced to one year of domestic violence counseling and three years probation. He received 45 hours of community service, which were to involve some physical labor activities.

Rodman admitted his frequent transgressions, but asserted that he lived his own life and thus a more honest life than most other people: "I just took the chance to be my own man... I just said: 'If you don't like it, kiss my ass.' ...Most people around the country, or around the world, are basically working people who want to be free, who want to be themselves. They look at me and see someone trying to do that... I'm the guy who's showing people, hey, it's all right to be different. And I think they feel: 'Let's go and see this guy entertain us.'"

Rodman is a long-time vegetarian, and in 2005, he became the first man, and the first sports star to pose (naked) for PETA's advertisement campaign "Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur"


see, he even tried to kill himself.. sigh~life's never been easy to everyone i guess.. n his, was full with ups n down..he had a daughter,same age as mine... =)
maybe all the stories make him a man that attracted me towards him...still think he's cool~~

gonna need to end here~~

apprentice~

well..i have gotta admit, i deeply in guilt to watch so much of dramas this couple of days when exam juz few hours away..OMG OMG~~~
but hey,i like to watch apprentice A LOT! it's the most inspiring..n interesting~
i like the girls a lot this season..they named themselves as ATHENA, `the goddess of wisdom, war, strategy, industry, justice and skill~ even the name sounds cool right?
the show has Dennis Rodman~ checked his biograph, he's 48... i'm like, r u kidding me?? he doesn't look like his age, not at all! somehow, in some way, i felt i like him..hahax~ despite his lousy attitude, n kinda irresponsible.. but, he's cool to me~

i like Tom Green a lot too..he's just like the guy who knows a lot of things but do things differently..he's smart, he looks smart...u just can see it through the way he talks n look into your eyes~ will spend some time on his comedies n movies that he've done..i think it will be worth it.. but not now certainly~ even though i can't wait to do so.. =)
well,i judge ppl, most of the time.. n somehow, it's obvious whether that's the one u will get along very well, whether he or she is nice as in what's in ur mind bout them.. i never got wrong though~ even i know it's not good to do so, but, yea, some period of time we just need to do so to avoid some of the problems to arise..but i would say most of them are inevitable still... THAT's LIFE~~

not being able to elaborate much... will keep u guys update bout the series by then..hopefully i will be able to discipline myself well >.<

ta~

top model episods~

hmm hmm~despite the fact that exam's just around the corner n it freaks me out some time...spent 4 hours today on pps..watching america's next top model season 12!! cant' stop from not being curious of who's going to win it, ever since the girl that i lk the most being kicked out..
and and... it's.. Teyana..sadly~~sigh..
wel, the one that i love the most was Celia..she din even get to be in top 3, so forget bout it..
but i was expecting Allison to grab it... T.T
whole season was not as competitive as what that i've watched so far..but Allison kinda make me realize n reminds me as well on, u don't have to be a total BITCH to get to the position that u wan or to achieve in your dreams...IF u hv what it takes, be it weird or ugly, be it to walk or to run to ur final destination, it's urs babe!! yea~~~ she's a total weirdo in the very beginning but it's her being in the finalist than those others that have great body shape or great personality...n she seems to be the weakest competitor among all,plus she never get into fight or shown any disrespect to others...it's just, happy go lucky n hey~im here in finals...LOL~ how great if life's been that well to everyone of us isnt it? when she states her opinions on the whole competition, she said, she felt very disappointed n bla bla..but she feel proud for herself,etc... im like yea yea yea~~agree!!! hahax~

starts to stalk on Belinda's blog nowadays..
like her very much though~
she had the attitude, she's independent and she's not afraid to show and speak on whatever she felt like doing..
*start to talk lk what they would in the episods* >.< obviously watched too much dy...if i hv a guardian right now to check on me from time to time on my studies, i think i would probably dead already, to get scold n beaten as much time as i couldnt imagine~~

somehow, ur true enemy is urself!~ learnt that from the episods too...! ngek ngek!
see, my true enemy is the me that like to spent time learning other things than chemistry and biology...aih~~
opPS~it's almost 10 already, and i still very slow in my progress.. T.T
work ur ass off dude!
everyone jia you yea!!!


Love,

Shuang

不够成熟

‘想我还是不够成熟 还达不到你的要求
我真的没有想的太多 只是怀念 你走以后。。
离开难道真的是解脱 难道真的要试过几次了以后才懂
倔强说不痛 假装什么伤都没有
倔强抬起头 决不让眼泪往下流
倔强说不痛 假装什么伤都没有
~真的不难过 笑着和你挥——挥手~’

一月，总让我很感触。。因为，他的生日即将来临。。。
当然，已不再与我有关。。
就这样，分开的时间也差不多一年了~真搞不懂还感触些什么。。>.<
有时记忆好，也并非好事。。
想了好几遍，都是我不够成熟吧！

这一年，开心，不开心，总会想起你。。
但我从不说，也不想再烦你。。
从那天你决定把心和钥匙转交给她保管，我都懂了。。
也该是预料中事，也有了心理准备会有这么一天
一年前急着怪你，都忘了，我欠你一句，‘对不起’
你所谓的累了我懂。。
对不起。。可能我从没出现，你们会有不同的结果吧。。
以前在一起总爱哭，分隔两地，一点都不好受。。
但，分开了那么久还要哭。。。
从来没向任何人说这些，因为不曾有勇气面对，
因为每次回家都还会想起你。。。
今天的我说了，因为，以后的我很清楚，只想和你是普通朋友~
经过了种种事，我明白，痛是一定有。。
但失败了，总得爬起来。。
只是，我没别人那么快。。
可能我是真的不够坚强吧。。是真的不喜欢身边的人离我而去。。
就连平日没事干，都会怕哪天会有谁再次从我身边溜走。。

没什么好担心，不必想太多。。我并非想要回头。。
不是想要些什么，只希望能看到大家都开心！
也想说声抱歉，和感谢！！是真的感谢！
也永远祝福你开心，快乐！！！~
早日找到更适合你的她。。。=）
当然我也会慢慢加油~
最近都爱想很多，可能是真的很想对自己开始有责任，
做事得认真点了吧~
也希望我不会再伤害任何人，因为疗伤并不简单。。
是真的在努力控制自己 >.<

大家一起加油吧！！