MONDAY

okay guys.....so,here i am, to finally admit and tel out what actually happened to me lately which caught me to be so emo..

it's the day, 27th of March, the Sat that i mentioned im going to try up something i yearn for so many yrs....it's actually an interview by Spore Airlines..
i never ever really dare to spread the news around that im going..not trying to brag here,but i seriously just having a thought of going to gain experience in interviewing..
the strongest urge to be an air stewardesses was actually in my secondary school's year,think was in form 4 or 5~ a girl, Shafinaz knew i had the same aim with her..she came to me n asked to join her try it up..
honestly, i never really think im ready for that at the moment,so i rejected~ cuz,come on, i'm still 17 years old tat time..my educational level juz spm..i definitely wont be satisfied with that..
but then again, she made it..n she's now a cabin crew for Kuwait Airlines..went to lots of places already too~

and hence, life goes on and on....til i finished my diploma year in Tarc with internal scholarships...and what i know at that moment was to get another scholarships to pursue further..so i got it, Star Education Fund..then i told my mum,yes, save some money again, so why not cont..its not tat im bad in academic performance..

until then.........3 months of internships..caught me~~i din join the intern cuz it's not something that shuang likes to do..i wil get very damn bored with them probably after a month.
so i went on to b freelance...
having thought i could enjoy working play around with my skills and improve further..

tis particular guy, JH came to me n told me his fren made her dream came true to join SIA, she tried lk 3 times.. mayb u should just go and gain some experience..not only him, Shenny (a girl i knw in MIFF) told me so too..so, im lk, y not?
i thought it's going to be fast as i wil be eliminated fast,probably first few stages..thinking,i stil could make it to work for Avira that day~

but hell no, i got in stage by stage, things getting to be quite nervous as it was lk first round, 6 out of 10 were eliminated..n those r really wel verse in talkin, pretty or handsome type of ppl..n ern, the elimination process is more or less lk american next top model.. >.< they wil say..the name tat i cal, plz follow me, the rest tat i don, plz try again next time......LOL~

there were lk 3 main stages, which contains lots of other minor stages inside..one by one im through..just, never expect i wil be through till they say im selected out of that thousands of candidates...
n now..what should i do then?i loan from Tarc,i receive scholarships award from Star, i will be graduating soon...why am i so not patient to follow the way my plans work?
i told mum...just kill me then..im pretty scared right now~

just lk any other mentioned..this is going to be a life changing experience..
n..it's really aint easy to gone so far..i mean, there were really loads of them who tried again and again hoping that they could get in...

yes, im emo! =( din went for college today..dunno how to start my conversation with adviser....

it's just a day for me to rest well n face it tmr then...

by the way~finished job in lowyat d~got quite some offer afterwards too..but guess everything should stop,to have me figuring what i should do then...
Shenny was right though...as long as i make a decision that i wont be regret of..no turning back..i cant look bac either~

anyways..happy to know lots of good n pretty gals by working for Avira too~n those staf in Evernew...they're having some very positive spirits that i can see =)
big round of applause to all of us~!going to miss u guys....



bunch of good frenz~especially ah Ying~born in same yr,month n date wit me..she owns good personality~ =)


that's Aurora~



the robot..who sexually offense all of the girls..ended up gotta apologize to all of us..pity for him too~





=)

Dear diary..

Dear diary..something good & bad happened ytd..
din posted ytd cuz im still not in the position to judge or decide..not even now..

did i ever comment on human beings..when u see something u wan it badly,n when it's right in front of u awaiting u to accept, then wil start to think whether it's good for ur own?
n gosh...im lk tat right now......juz feel lk screaming out loud ytd,yet, cant spread the news around cuz i really dunno wat im goin to decide...SERIOUSLY!

i know it's something that i hv dream about for so long..i know too many gals wanted it badly yet i got it in just first attempt......n i stil don und y...why????arent they suppose to reject me n say i could improve on tis n tat then come bac later?ish..........
from 930am to 7pm's interview..it's a bit crazy though..n when im in,stages by stages,i got so excited to know what's next..
n when i really got it...im lk,oh shit...am i dreaming now........

AIKS~~~~~~

seriously now with anyone's advice also kinda bother me a little..cuz in the end of the day,it's stil my own life..
is this really good enough for myself? am i really that meant to be??

n stupid,im tied up by so many contracts on hand.....wat's the consequences by then.. =(
going to college for more advice tmr.....

Shuang's seriously in fear n LOST!

Avira day 4..

staring at the post sites figuring what i wanna post for the day...... i really got so emo~~so many things that happened,too many ppl to meet, too many new friends to be with, etc..

how to say? n, wher to start???
from day one perhaps?
i got this job.. seriously somehow got 'cheated' in some ways.. short pants, jacket plus singlet it seems... became a tube inside.. which im quite mad about.. seriously, wearing uniform which don look lk promoter at all.. more to lk show gal, n they should seriously pay us more!! plus all other work lk ushering, modeling etc...they all complained~but i dont think it wil work anyways...

i really duno how to describe how i feel la... it's just, working ther, i got a lot of other job opportunities lk those really educated type of ppl say im good in something, they would be very respectful to u, not asking contacts or to flirt around..n when they say u're smart, u seems to know what u're doing very wel, u're intelligent, those type of positive comments...juz enlightens my day...

of course im happy...but how much of ppl really look into ur inside than ur outside???
those stupid malays, ham sap type of ppl alwez look at u..say something which is extremely offensive..............that i juz got so mad..!
so mad that i started to brag n talk a bit too much, asked a bit too much from customers now..
yes, i felt regret for what i hv done today.. n fine, what past had past..promised i wont repeat that anymore! REALLY do~

juz damn shock tat any strangers could recognise me n cal my name..it's lk im in the society for some tim d..u can say i hv lots of connections now,n ppl really do remember my name n face..! it's something good as wel as bad..

haiz..n yes,i alwez say im impressed with how wel manners foreigners r..hope to hv frenz or bf lk them~
but i gues now i know..not from the one i know when im workin for job lk tis i gues~
got so inbalanced after few days working ther that it seems im not myself anymore~
but that's wat i wan..
i still know how to differentiate what is good n bad.. still knows how to pursue to be the SHuang i wanna be.. need not to worry anyways =)

but how i see myself 5 yrs from now, a ques that was being asked, that i answered spontaneously yet with doubts deep in my own heart..to really join some fields that i've got totally no idea with? or to do what im expert in which ad spent few yrs studying?

Sat im going to try something i really yearns for so many yrs ago..n to this point, i really dunno what i wish for.. whether want them to tel me im in? or no, im not quialified....

3 days to go..
wish sun ends as fast as it could...............

Undecisive...

gotta make up my mind asap to either continue to be a freelancer or to go for full time based d la wei......
sigh sigh~~ full time based of course have their own advantage.. but having thought of that, it's just like so not me.. =( so not going???

ytd went for a job interview near my condo. It was something new as they tested some others skills of mine which never done by other company, which is my typing + reading skills. LOL~ anyway, the typing master test, i got a 34 (dunno the unit) for speed and 98% accuracy..hahahax! lousy one.. then they passed a long paragraph asked me to read out loud >.< gotta wait 2 days for their reply, but instinct told me i got the job. The funny part is, the event is stil, DSA. Just, by diff company dealing with diff stuf.

went midvalley afterwards, n they're havin this alice's thingy going on~u guys should go anyway..they will hv a 15min show by all the characters in the movie..it just felt so alive =) the one i saw was on 7pm.. the rest im not sure~ n no pic to share...sOrRY~

this month ended up too bored as i only worked for 2 fairs. But........... my pay's just exactly the same as those of full time based, ern, mayb a lot more extra....so can i just don go?? aiks!anyhow, ander's coin shown, i shouldnt go... muahahah~ hmm... hope that's something wise.

i'm having like 5 6 jobs on hand which they havent confirm with me the dates, trainings, etc... has this particular job to involve in some kind of international meeting which suppose to be held end of the month, they pay me 150 per hour~ but, clients are now stuck in bangkok... ish!!!~
can't they just work a bit more efficient so that i can plan the whole month's schedule? =(
seriously, i really felt like wanna start the fyp dy... trust me, i do~~



eye shadow~


blush blush~

and............

DONE!! (NO, it's not my foundation of bb cream.. it's the effect of light plz~)

i know.....lAmE~~

*posted more on pic lately..gues it'l b a lot better for those who don lk to read~
n sorry tat ther's no columns for u guys to comment too.. had some positive replies from frenz via msg or msn.. thanks for the support anyway..shuang will cont to b tough n happy =)

btw, if u guys accidentally saw wat i posted in fb, sorry tat im a bit rude.... wat i wanna do now is, to smile and accept, though i really don und y they acted that way...
ther're ppl in tis world who just know to say i wan i wan!! but yet when i gv what they wan, they wil start to doubt, oh no, is this something good, am i really suppose to go? ---->speechless~
there's tis particular group too, who regardless of what's happening, they just want u to listen to them n agree with them... (mostly those past 40)
ther's also also tis particular group who only knows to WAIT for something good to happen to them as they din do anything to get them~
also, there're ppl who know a little, yet, act lk as if they're very damn resourceful.. yea rite, they just know EVERYTHING~ (mostly those immature type of guy)

GREAT~dont und stil....
plz, dont act lk one of them.. although i think it's kinda normal.. just try not to act that way lk perhaps 10 tim, just once la k?

CONCLUSION: human are still selfish at some point yea~

SHOES

just came back a job interview by Avira~ got the job, going to start working next week lur..
din went for another interview ytd by Ape Ideas.. dunno whether it's im too pig to go out, or.. don't lk the job.. or im tired.. or i basically hate the location of that office.. 800 flies~~ but its fine... whatever it is...
anyway, im soOO obedient today, came back home early, b4 sunset~~muahaha..! hv no idea why too.. these few days not really feeling well, can't hang out much.. but carrying 3 heavy pack of stuffs back from Jusco.. suddenly feel kinda pathetic without someone else as company.. gotta carry them all the way back to GK.. T.T .. sometim to work alone also felt kinda lonely ha.. but wher am i suppose to find a girl with the same thinking n same attitude lk i am in TarC... hardly...

hmm.. since today im wearing heels here n ther, bit emo with the shoes thingy~
dunno whether it's the same for most of the girls..
do ur heels last?? seriously??
mine.. spoil the second or third time i wear them.. i mean, MOST of them!
not only did they spoil, it hurts too.. bad quality type of heels ha~

from Vincci.. no doubt bout the low quality of the shoes~

don't und why they gain good response from the market in Msia either..

from Steps..

only wore them twice~

Vincci again~

haha... honestly, why am i buying from this brand anyway >.<

bought this from TANGS when the heels were too painful..hahaha!

from Nichii..

worse too.. since they dont hv heels, it cracked inside..

from Opera~

bought to support ah boon~

but, not comfy at all..

aunty type of heels..

ahem... this is the only one im satisfy with~~~
BRAVO!
big round of applause to STUDIO from TANGS!

wore it bout 4 5 times d.. still in tip top condition~
but then again.. ori price 200++..
but to me,
they only look nice at nite~

the rest are still fine.. some i bought them just for the sick of they look nice on me.. there's this one tim i bought a size 4 heels when im actually size 6 >.<>

anyhow.. i did mentioned this b4..
really really REALLY hv no idea why ppl lk to wear heels with the price tags on.. aiks!

END~~

going to cancel the job in pg lur.. finally got to realize we gotta b a bit selfish when it comes to own benefits..
lk i tried to be responsible and went for the genting job by rejecting a lot of other opportunities which offer me better pay.. in the end of the day, genting job still can't work..
so that's what im doing now.. =)

that's me..
with my chubby face n long hair now.......
feel lk cutting them each days!!!!!

mayb i will... very soon~~

Genting genting~

hm.... what to say~ i'm back from genting today..
yaya, 7 days' work became a one nite stay's trip.. lalala~ what a joke!
i know i know.. to ran away was not so appropriate, bit irresponsible..
i know too, boss actually recognized me, many of the managers know me~~ by doing so, i wil get blacklisted by TANGs forever.. T.T

it's been very long while since i acted so irresponsible dy.. i tried..
the night b4 going to genting, cant fall asleep! slept at 3, woke at 6.. whole journey in the car was torturing.. by the time i reach, strong nausea..!
they din arrange everything well for us either.. i gotta put my luggage in guys' room n head to GLCC to start work..
work was relaxing.. im in a counter with a seat, as customer service , in charge of dip n win thingy..

then fine, everything went well... from 11am starts work til 12am~ which is still fine..
15 minutes bac to our hostel on foot, still fine.. but, i still din get my room's key!
temporary stay with the guys.. luckily clement was ther..
walk up n down waiting for my roommie to come..
the apartment was creepy!!!
after two hours, which is 2am, she finally reached!
mine was separated with the guys, but im the only chinese and some rooms were occupied by unknowns which supposingly by workers of TANGs..
and of course, the facilities, bed all i dont hv to further describe d.. at that time, strong urge that i wanna head back to my home.. but it's late at night.. n i was too tired.. 'luckily' i was tired~ else, i would hv some creepy nightmares which i alwez hated to hv..

the next morning, still in dilemma whether to continue or to leave.. then, clement told one of the part timers ad gone! at that time, i realized i shouldnt be guilty of leaving.. even a guy also cant stand the condition, why should i pretend to b tough n continue?
but we did told the person in charge n explain clearly b4 we leave.. it's not totally that irresponsible right?

anyhow.. the first day itself, i spent a lot~ still happy that i finally found the book i wanna buy by Robert.. muahaha!~

had lunch with clement n the other guy (which i dunno his name) juz b4 we left..
then.. clement told me things that i din realized ytd night..
what i was afraid of was just those 'things' to appear that night right.. he just made me realized HUMANS are the one i should b aware of..
the apartment was full wit diff types of odd ppl..
when we went up in lift, ther was this one guy passing towel from 7th floor to a person in lift (chinese), then another malay with an indian gal were with him.. they head to 21th floor, n that guy told him, 7th floor is the office~ when he said that, i thought, ok, they hv a office.. n that's it..
THAT'S PROSTITUTION man!! why i just din know that? still blur blur.. ishh!
he also noticed ther's one guy havin affair with two gals, as he saw that guy been with two diff gal that nite..
ther were also ppl who got drunk in a gang, gangsters, etc, etc..
we were up n down for 2 hours.. that's wat he saw, n i know nothing.. which may or may not be good.. if i knew, perhaps i wont have the courage to stay overnight d..
was lucky that he was around anyhow..

Conclusion : girls still hv to stick in a group right? there're so many things that i could never able to do alone..

job that had been lookin forward, turns out to b something despairing.. aiks~ what can i say? feel so sorry to that gal in HR.. but i think she will und.. hopes she will~

3 months intern was suppose to be the time i enjoy working, find out my interest, bla bla..
how can it be this way? instead of finding things that would delights me, in juz a week, i encounter lots of dark side of the society..

when i was a kid, innocent kind of girl, to face the society by starting to work at the age of 15, i used to ask, why is it human has to be so complicated, why is it we like to compete with each other, do bad to each other, hurt each other, when we can spread the love, be like a 'human'..

now, when im bout to be 21 (ishh!! ad turn old =.="), i still can't find the ans...
mayb it's lk any other said, this is what known as NATURAL..

im not very emo now la... =) don't worry.. aint that weak~~
ad kinda got used to it..
clement said i should be happy.. at least, i know a lot more than others who never encounter things lk i did..
should i?? there are actually things that i rather not know..
but at least, i think they made me appreciate things that i have now, more than i used to be...


LiFe stILL gOeS oN!~~

PC fair soon...ppl used to ask me, why don't u be the model, earn a lot more, and can wear nice, look nice, u got what it takes to b, etc..
guess now u could know my ans d?
to hv brains, persuade customers to buy stuf from me is a lot more satisfying than to have thousands of ham sap eyes looking at me~~
to have ppl telling me im good in talking would be the thing i wil b happy to hear than to hv ppl saying im beautiful.... am i weird? i mean, gals should alwez please to hv ppl praising them leng~
still not sure which job i shall go for afterwards... i got tired d?? hmm...

emo day...

went for another job interview today..
the event this time, DSA(Defense Services Asia)...at first i thought, wau~tats just great!
ther wil be 700 defences and security companies, ministry, armies, VIPs, VVIPs from all around Asia to come over...n im IN..! he say, u're inexperience, but full of potential.. bla bla bla.. said ther wil b 200 employees, separated with 3 groups, one at counter, one ushering, another one stays close to the VIPs, greet them in the lobby of their hotel, send them to the venue, from booth to booth, hall to hall, catch the time frame, liase with the officers, then send them back to the hotel~

at first i thought, nah, it will just be another job, not my prob at all..
but.. he told me ther's a remark made on my application.. n they wished to make me the semi model.. hmm.. that's the last thing i wish to hear....but expected,cuz he explained more on the laz category when we talked.. still, it seems exciting isnt it?? i mean u can see from TV also, those gal that lead those VIPs from places to places, make sure everything being well organised,etc..*pretty, elegant, n doing a very simple job* thats wat i thought~the hardest part would just b makin sure everythin follow on schedule, i know wher n when to lead them to...

then ther goes a big BOOM!~
he say, u know, as taking this job, u gotta tk care of ur own self, wanna hv fun with those famous kind of ppl also, know ur own limit.....then i goes, ok, he's bout to say somethin bad.....
but i din expect at the end of our conversation, he said, every yr, ther were gals ended up naked on the bed the next morning, can't be able to come for work... duh~~~~~ what the heck man...

seriously totally lost my appetite for the day.... IM SICK!
sick to know that the reality is, ppl who're rich, powerful, strong, could alwez tk ppl tat r weak, poor background, esp gals for granted? what is tat?? n u ever seen news showing tis kind of things b4? NO... what would they do? just cover up the bad n ugly side of everything.. come on..! it happens every yr man!! but they r ministry, they could do anything they wan..

so basically i can say, this exhibition is for those INHUMAN to seek for their preys each yr?? argh!

i heard that enough though... just never expect it would came that close to me that im about to face it!!

so what wil b my ans?yes or no??
figured out for some time... i would just reject then..
BIG thanks to those that gv me advice repeatedly (except for clement who told me it was a big opportunity) LOL~
anyhow, my heart was a bit uneasy at the first place too..n i was honest with him that i don think i wan it n to risk myself tat way..he convinced me by sayin ful model got 1.5k per day..u as a semi, wont be any less...
its 8 days...i could hv earn big by then.. some more, i could get the ans of, am i really able to handle tis kind of situation too..

BUT... no more but.. im just goin to reject...
disappointed also.. i mean, that's not fair for a gal lk me to gv up getting involve in an event simply bcuz im afraid of those jerks! how had the world be? how could it be that way....
hmm...iF I WeRE A MaN~

let see...... ppl lk this

THIS~
or THESE,

would rape a girl???
i mean PLEASE... tat's disgusting!!

i alwez thought it should be fine cause when u wanna succeed in doing something, ther wil alwez be risks.. it just depends on how much of the pros n cons that u gotta figure out how n what to do... so, my conclusion, it wont be worth it to risk n might get raped by those dirty kinda creature. which might then cause myself to hv STD,etc...

tel me i made the right choice plz....!

next on, going to work in GENTING lur... of course, going to stay at the apartment they provide..im the only part tim gal~ but im sure i wil b safe~ clement wil b ther, it's under a company i worked b4, good boss, n ppl thet r 'normal'


Genting warehouse sales~

Brands Offered

Guess

Samsonite

Voir

Sodas

Novelle

Jean Perry

Disney

Polo

Charles Jordan

Daniel Hechter

Smalto

Obermain

B.U.M. Equipment

Camel Active

Sacha

Sorella

Elianto

Wacoal

Beverly Hills Polo Club

Time : 11am – 12am

Location

Genting International Convention Centre

Hall 5-7

Genting Highlands

69000 Pahang Darul Makmur

Malaysia

next next stop, would be Penang... yes, back to hometown again~
just for fun.. goin to work for 3 days ther..just for sick of working.. LOL~ cuz minus transportation n everythin, not much left...

okay.. i let some opportunity slips thru my fingers today..
emo day.. but going to be better~

watched Alice in the wonderland d~
n, Up in the air,
n, NINE,
Night in the museum II,
what meatballs kinda anime,
er....cant recall d..lots of it~~

tmr shopping again..dont wanna stay home alone~

-END-

Days in MIFF

tmr would be the last day to work for MIFF dy...heavy hearted in some ways..
it should be the first time ever im in love with a job, and, would be 30 minutes early to work each day..!
just can say it's a brand new yet interesting experience..

this fair is somehow for international clients, and we need not to do any sales but to make use of the fair as a tool to get to know each other..
the organiser had served them right, by providing transport from the airport or from their hotel to the venue of the fair held and shuttle buses were provided to go to that 3 diff location of fair too..

at the very first day, had ad been very delighted to start my work, cuz, it wasn't like pc fair, where u can see many youngsters wearing T shirts with diff logos of their company waiting for lrt, and congested! i gotta wear formal with a coat or blazer, but, makeup was not compulsory and they din forced us to tie up hair or wat~
n of course, the fun part would be seeing different directors or managers for various furniture company all around the world to walk around, and talk to you... ok la~im sampat ah yi~~hahax!

i do lk it cuz, it was just like ppl pay u to let u learn and to see what the other ppl is doing while the world is spinning, while we're busying with our Chemistry or Biology~ while we only know how to apply knowledge of scientific terms n methods, hey, they're all here workin on something lk this..n they make a living with that too!
some more, ppl there are just so nice + friendly~ n they would teach whatever u wanna know, n it wasnt just lk asking A they gv u ans of A, sometime, they would say somethin extra~ like them.. =)
learnt some very very basic knowledge of furniture.. talked lk as if i know what it means by PU, AC, MC, etc etc....kekeke...

i dunno how huge the company im working in the market, but i do know ther're plenty of competitors.. n they told us our company make a sales of 10 million US dollars per year.. so that's a lot i suppose??
i'm being fooled by those competitors today though... get a lil despair.. but fine right now..

n, im actually stil sick...having fever.. guess after tmr i wil need to really rest well.. then start another work in genting d~

tmr get my salary lur!! happy~~

oh yea, and my results...
first sem, i got 3As, 7Bs..
this sem, it's 11As 1B..
could u see the difference of me working while study with just to study? aiks.. feel sorry for me?
hmm... if u ask me if i feel regret for working in the first sem n drag the whole gpa down.. i would say, maybe.. cause, it's not something great when u wanna get something yet, ad fallen apart when u only bout to get started..
but, how? just keep moving forward i guess... hoping i wont get demotivated by that..